Reflecting on My Journey: From Addiction to a New Life | 7/7/2024

Sometimes, I need to remind myself that there was a time during my addiction when I would have given anything to live the life I am now living.

There were nights I would pray to God to make it out of that darkness and become a normal, functioning member of society. It is so easy to take things in life for granted. No matter how far I come, there is always a doubt that says, “You’re not far enough yet.” It is easy to focus on the things lacking in life rather than allowing myself to be grateful for all that I have in abundance. The reality is that I had to completely allow certain desires to die in order to survive this journey.

Pride and ego, along with the natural desires of the flesh, are extremely powerful influences on our character. When not held in check, human beings can commit horrible sins and atrocities. During my addiction, there was an extreme lack of moral discipline. I was able to convince myself of anything and justify every action as long as it allowed me to get what I wanted.

These past four years, since turning my life over to God and leaving behind fentanyl and heroin, my life has steadily risen towards becoming a man I could have never dreamed of during my addiction. The things I have been able to overcome and the achievements within just the last year have been nothing short of miraculous. This past week, I finally moved into my own apartment. This is the first time I have actually worked hard for something on my own and accomplished it independently from any romantic relationship.

Each time I have gotten my own place in the past, it was always to support a relationship and involved relying on other people to make sure rent was taken care of. This apartment, with its two small bedrooms, may not be much, but it is 100% my own.

With this new lifestyle come many challenges I never thought I would endure, but they have helped shape my ambition and goals. Last year, I was in the first serious relationship I had had in over 15 years.

We were together for about nine months, and I truly thought I was with the woman I would someday marry. But life has a way of not working out the way we want it to. I found myself being led on for months, allowed to believe that the woman I was head over heels in love with felt the same way I did. She was my best friend and also my only friend.

In the end, she was unable to communicate or be assertive about things that bothered her. They built up, and she just ended it. We broke up a few times, and I allowed myself to become a puppet, obsessed with trying to become the right man for her to avoid being abandoned. I lost myself along the way and started to turn into someone I am not.

When she was gone, I was forced to pick up the pieces and rediscover the kind of man I wanted to become. She was already in a relationship with another man within a month after she ghosted me, and I was left looking like a desperate psycho because I wanted to understand. I didn’t see the truth until much later, after she was already secured with her new boyfriend, without a care for me or my drama.

Those winter months were some of the most difficult I have faced in my recovery. In the past, they would have certainly thrown me into a full-blown withdrawal, but they only drew me closer to my search for my purpose in life and trying to find God’s will for me. Having been in addiction for so long and separated from all my childhood friends, I never developed a new friend group and rarely get invited out by my old friends.

I am not sure if they think inviting me to a party or events where there is alcohol is rude because I am in recovery, but they don’t understand the difference. I rarely go out with people from work or do stuff with groups of other friends. After the breakup, I went into a deep depression where I felt miserable and lonely day after day.

I began going out and trying to date and meet women online, feeling like a desperate, pathetic human being that nobody wanted to waste their time on. It messed with my head for a while. I began chasing affection and had to fall flat on my face from having expectations shattered. Most people, by nature, are selfish, and I can’t claim to be any different. I would drive around and park somewhere people wouldn’t see me, just so I could break down and cry in peace. It was a pitiful experience where I questioned everything about how far I had come and my own worth. The harder I tried to find affection, the more disappointed I became until I gave up for a while. But I would always find myself downloading dating apps again and going out randomly to try to meet a woman “in the wild,” but it always felt awkward, and I lost hope of meeting a good woman.

I gave up the illusions of what I thought my last relationship was, let go of the loneliness and endless disappointments, and began to focus on my professional career. I started being recognized for my marketing skills and experience with windows. Soon, I was meeting with the owners of my company and proposing ideas. I was taken seriously, given a considerable raise with a salary, and now I am transitioning into a management role handling a whole retail window division, possibly developing a marketing app, and patenting new software.

In addition to all that, I started my own company, Best Life Services Group LLC, where I plan on doing marketing consulting and other window market services. I want to build something I can pass off to my daughter someday. I can’t help but dream of having another family and more kids, but that dream leads only to pain and sadness, so I try not to think about it and stay as focused on work as I can.

I am blessed beyond anything I could have ever imagined for my life after being a drug addict. I know God has a plan for my life, but it is easy to get distracted by the flesh and the desires that feed my pride. Loneliness is always at the edges of my emotions. There are times when I need to fight down bitterness when I see other people happy together and ensure I don’t turn into a man full of resentment and anger.

Outside of work, I try to keep my mind constantly engaged to avoid thinking about being completely alone. I piece together the puzzle of everything happening in the world right now. It is crazy to see how much things have changed globally in just the last few years. The world is on the edge of another great war with the potential to end all life on the planet. Yet nobody seems to care much about world affairs or the fact that Israel is committing mass genocide before the world. Nobody is doing anything to stop it while our tax money goes towards sending the same missiles that kill thousands of innocent women and children, bombing hospitals and journalists.

On top of that, we are watching the disclosure movement of UFOs and aliens being carried out with deception, and the ancient alien enthusiasts are eating it up. Mainstream news outlets are running with any story that holds entertainment value rather than relying on facts. We are being shaped and molded as a society to accept the reality of benevolent gods that will return and save us from ourselves. People don’t realize that the UFO phenomenon has been acknowledged as most likely demonic by three of the world’s top researchers. Most agree that there is a spiritual and paranormal element to the UFO/UAP reality.

The more I dig into learning about the reality of our world, the more I see how much the enemy has taken control of every facet of our culture and institutions. Even in churches, there are Jezebel spirits ravaging unchecked, with controversy, entertainment, rock concerts, and everything but the teachings and words of Jesus. The time of the Book of Revelation feels truly upon us, and most of the world is completely asleep. All but a few in my life seem to care about what is going on and want to know more about the true depth of the deceptions being carried out by worldly governors and principalities in power.

I can feel something coming, something huge, yet I don’t know what it is. I am prepared for anything—a new 9/11 attack or a massive coordinated attack from within our country by people who have crossed our border in the last few years among the millions of undocumented immigrants who have simply walked across the border and been caught and released within the United States without proper background checks or verification of their identity.

All this is happening in the world, and people are mostly concerned about whatever is trending on social media, Hollywood drama, or our sham of a political system. Nobody is concerned about changing the world because everyone feels powerless. We no longer have any say in the policies that govern our society and shape the world our children will grow up in.

God is the only thing I know with 100% certainty that I can rely on. No matter what happens here on earth and to my flesh, as long as I keep my eyes fixed on Him and listen with my heart to His words, always returning my focus to Him no matter how many times I fall, I will be able to sit